Moz's spam satire
Title: Expand Your Fruhead Friends Exponentially! (was Re: No one told me
it'd be like *that*!)
Author: Moz 
Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 15:23:59 +0000

Okay, Folks.  I posted this several days ago and it was cancelled by
someone at NASA because they thought it was a real "Make Money Fast"
sorta letter.  But now I have received permission from NASA to repost
it.  (No joke!  It was NASA that cancelled it in the first place, and I
just received an apology saying I may repost it now!)  So, find out what
the controversy is all about and READ ON!!!

ZardSnod wrote:
> Now, just imagine, every show, say there are 20 people who feel this way.  They
> expose 2 of their friends each to Moxy, and the next time the band is in town,
> all three of those folks go to the show.  Everybody'd 2 newbies get hooked, and
> tell 2 of their friends.  If this goes on like that old chess-board puzzle
> about the grains of rice (exponentials), soon the whole world will be die-hard
> Frufans!

Zard, this is a *great* idea, but maybe should be reworded and reworked
for effectiveness.  I suggest the following:
          From the Offices of Christopher "Moz" Moesel,
            College Student and multi-Frulionaire!

If you care about your future, then READ THIS NOW!!!

When I first received this sort of invitation, I put it off as a scam
like anyone else.  I mean, it was trying to tell me that with just a
minimal amount of time I could build an entire Fru-community around me.
seemed nothing could easily fix the problems I was facing:  Not enough
Fruhead friends, people at work who didn't even give Fruvous a chance,
and the inevitable "Moxy who?" or "What?!? Musty Fungus???"  But
nonetheless, I never believed that it could be so easy, so fun, and so
utterly painless to multiply my fruvous friends by tens, hundreds, and
even thousands!  One day, I was sitting at home when I received this
offer for what must have been the 137th time.  Now the last few times
they sent me a letter, I didn't read it; I already knew the words.  But
this time it hit me: "Circumstances eat themselves!  I better take
advantage of this offer while it's still here!"

And that, my friend, has made all the difference.  Just five days after
I decided to try the program, I received 8 new fruhead friends.  After
two weeks, I had 459 new fruhead friends.  And now, after only two
months, I have 137,846 new Fruhead friends!  Now, for the first time in
my life, I can say that I have a life of pleasure.  In fact, I am
submerged in armchair leisure, simply because of this remarkable
program!  And what's more, this is completely legitimate.  By taking
part of this program, you are starting your very own MLM (Multi Level
Marketing) business, exchanging time and effort for fruheads.  THIS IS
If you're still concerned, talk to your local post office or lawyer...
So, why I am telling you about this?  Well...


You, too, can enjoy the same lifestyle I do.  You, too, can take part of
this wonderful program and become a multi-Frulionaire yourself!  The
procedure is simple, and in three basic steps:

1)  Write your name and address on five separate pieces of paper along
with the words, "PLEASE ADD ME TO YOUR FRUHEAD LIST."  (This Fruhead
List is what makes the program legitimate.  You are investing in a
*service*).  Then neatly fold and enclose a copy of the information on
the next frushow you will be attending.  Now mail all this by standard
US Mail (Canadian, if applicable) to the following five addresses:

    1.  Rosemary Breschuk-Chiu
        45 Frurockin Road
        Thorny Hill, Ontario L2J4A3

    2.  David Tobey
        c/o MFHQ
        1256 Penny Lane
        Fruvonto, Ontario K3J2B4

    3.  Rev. Christopher O'Malley
        134 FDC Road
        Rockester, NY 06278

    4.  Zard Snodgrass
        486 Blearg Way
        Fruginia Beach, VA

    5.  Christopher "Moz" Moesel
        40 Frucommunity Terrace
        Thisisnotascam, ME 04084

2)  Now remove the top name from the list, and move the other four names
up. In other words, #5 becomes #4 and so on. Put your name as the fifth
one on the list.  (The person from who you received this offer will now
be #4).

3)  Simply post this updated article to at least 18 or 19 thousand
newsgroups!  It's as simple as that!  But remember, there is no such
thing as a "FREE LUNCH" in this world, so if you only post to a few
thousand newsgroups, your results will not be as good.  So put in that
effort!  When this program is done right, our numbers are strong, and it
won't be long 'til I can tell you, Frufriend, that we've won!  You'll
find fruhead friends around every corner.

Now you may be wondering whether this system really works, and if so
*how* it works.  You may be ready to give up, thinking this is too good
to be true.  If you've decided against the program already, take some
time to change your mind; this is the place that you will find.  This
*is* the only place where you can acquire fruhead friends so quickly and
easily.  Here's how it works:

I find that out of every 200 articles I post, I receive about 5
responses.  This may seem small but watch!  For each one of these people
who post 200 articles, they too will receive 5 responses.  These 25
people will in turn also receive 5 responses each.  These 525 people
each receive 5 responses for each 200 articles they post.  Now if these
2,625 people each receive 5 responses, then this results in 13,125
people!  And that is when you are bumped off the list.  Your grand
total, for sending out just 200 articles, is 16,305 new fruhead friends,
all of whom you know the address of and the next show they are
attending!!!  Now just imagine if you had sent the article to the 18 or
19 thousand newsgroups I recommended!!!  And if you ever find yourself
running out of Frufriends again, simply start the program all over

Once you try this program and experience its spectacular results, you'll
look back at your old life and say, "I can't believe we ever lived that
way!"  So try now, take the plunge!  This is your chance to make it all

And just remember:  If you can't see dreams, your eyes are blind.

Good luck!

Christopher "Moz" Moesel
*              So many poets, so many lines                 *
*         Try to express the heart with the mind.           *
*                                                           *
*                                       -Sherri Youngward   *
*This Message Originates From the Fingertips of Chris Moesel*

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